Thursday, October 5, 2017

RAZOR DAYS

I have reviews that I only put in the print magazine. I have reviews that only show up here.
Then there is when they appear in both. The internet can be a cruel place, but it is also a great place to network and make sure people are seeing things that the mainstream doesn't have to offer.
RAZOR DAYS is one of those things.
Here's the review;

 

RAZOR DAYS
2012
87 Minutes
Written and Directed by Mike Watt
Starring Amy Lynn Best, Bette Cassatt & Debbie Rochon

Anita (Amy Lynn Best) helps women become stronger. She helps at a self defense class meant to empower women. She counsels women. Into her life comes Jessamay (Debbie Rochon) the infamous ‘Cannibal Girl’. She had been captured by the Logan family, her boyfriend killed and eaten by the cannibalistic trio. She was tortured, raped and scarred for life. She is coping with this by filling herself with a white hot rage that wants revenge.
Bloody, apocalyptic revenge.
She tells Anita that she can’t be the only one. The only one who managed to escape from the clutches of these madmen. Anita’s ex husband, John (Jeff Monahan) is a police detective so she asks him to look for others like Anita. She believes that if she comes face to face with another survivor it may help.


 John turns up Rena (Bette Cassatt) living on the other side of the state. They go to visit and Jessamay and Rena immediately click. Their common ground brings them together immediately.
It’s too bad that no one else believes their stories. They don’t believe that cannibals exist in the modern world. They believe that Jessamay and Rena did this to themselves for attention. We, the viewers, are given proof that they haven’t, but we’re not in the movie. We are just forced to watch them struggle with their own reality.
Now that Jessamay has a sister in suffering it’s time to make the bastards that did this to them pay.
Anita goes with them to keep them from going off the path of being a rational human being, but she has a past that keeps bringing her own feelings to the surface.
Now, they are ready to go after what did this to them and destroy them once and for all. They believe if they can do this they will save others from what they have been changed into. They also believe, a little, that if they murder these monsters in the shape of men that their own demons will be laid to rest once and for all.
Except, one of them has not been completely honest with the other two and that could be the one thing that will destroy them once and for all.
I first saw Razor Days at the convention, Cinema Wasteland. I like to watch new films there. You get such a variety of things from funny to gross to, well in the case of Razor Days, a powerful drama that forces you to watch horrific things.
It was a lot to take in and it had been awhile since that viewing so I knew I needed to go back one more time. What can I say? I’m old and my memory isn’t what it used to be.
Each of the characters felt like a different aspect of a single person. Anita was the cool, logical persona that stops us from screaming at the impenetrable darkness. Jessamay is our pure rage that screams at the darkness regardless of what that will accomplish. Rena is the fragility of the human spirit that has been crushed by man’s inhumanity towards man.
Individually, they are impotent. Jessamay knows that she needs another kindred spirit to force her to face her fears and crush them. Anita sees the damage that these other women have suffered and even though her scars are internal, she feels the same as they do. Rena has surrendered to her situation, but there is that little glimmer within her that, if properly fanned, will erupt into a blaze much hotter than either of the other women are capable of.


There is a scene in a quarry where the three women are arguing in the rain about taking the next step. They are parked outside of the farm where they believe their tormentors are located. As Anita and Jessamay argue, Rena starts to walk away and the camera acknowledges the other two, but their voices fade as Rena takes slow measured steps towards the farm. Her face that looks like a fragile china doll that has been shattered and put back together, is set in a look of determination more chilling than anything Jessamay has shown us. The rain falls, the camera follows and Rena with each step becomes something more. She believes in her heart that this is what will save her from that fear. The fear of everything. Just before Anita calls to her and breaks the moment we see it in her face. She is ready to rain death and destruction on people that have done this to her.
The scene in truly chilling and Bette Cassatt makes us forget she’s acting. The character of Rena is fully realized and makes us a little afraid.
The slaughter at the farmhouse just takes it a step farther as she confirms it with her action.
All three of these fine actors deserve praise for what they bring to Razor Days. Amy Lynn Best gives us a woman who has gone through something that has taken her soul and twisted it a little. Her pain comes from love turning into something dark. In every scene that she is forced to argue with these other two women you can see the conflict on her face. She is operating on the fact that murder is wrong. Her emotions betray her at every step and Best conveys this with every line. The scene in the car between her and Bette she thinks she can at least get to her and change her mind. But, you see with every no she speaks a yes comes out of her eyes. Debbie Rochon gives us a woman who has embraced her rage to keep her warm. Of the three she could be the most upfront in what she shows us. The one that truly sticks out for me is Bette Cassatt. She gives off such a sense of fragility from the moment we see her. She is thin, timid, her porcelain face enveloped in these wicked razor scars. The previous china doll reference seems to fit perfectly. She exudes a sense of someone who just wants to be left alone. She tried the world and the world beat her down. When she decides to go all the way into a revenge plan with Jessamay, her conversion is the most frightening of the three of them. Anita embraces fighting back at her defense classes; Jessamay embodies rage with her body movement, her attitude. Even her huge, ragged scar on her face seems to scream rage at you. In comparison, the thin, white scars of Rena fool you with a false beauty that comes back to haunt you. When she transforms it is the most severe of the three and you’re not sure whether to be proud of her for facing her fears or heartbroken that she is falling into something that might not even help. Because what if what you see as the solution to your problems doesn’t help? What if you take a step forward that can’t be taken back? What if and this is the worst part, what if it makes you into that which you are trying to destroy?


Finally, I do have to mention the film as a whole. Scenes evaporate into one another. Dialogue comes from other scenes. Sometimes there is dialogue and no one is talking. It gives a weird, reality bending feel to the entire film that helps keep you in the film itself. Most films follow a strict order of scene after scene with and without dialogue. This disconnected array of scenes that stop and reverse and time lapse and sometimes people’s mouths aren’t moving, but they have dialogue, keeps you in the moment. You can’t watch it like a normal narrative in fear you might miss something. Bravo to Mr. Watt for making the film an actual character in the movie. It warps and slides around in a manner that you don’t see in the traditional world of film making and it makes Razor Days better for it.
In the end Razor Days is another fine entry in the catalogue of Happy Cloud Media and Mike Watt challenges you to look at film in a way that very few directors do.



Thursday, May 25, 2017

SO, I DECIDED TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THE POLONIA BROS.




If you asked me what the first Polonia Bros. movie I ever saw I could probably narrow it down to HOLLA IF I KILL YOU I remember just not liking that film at all. If anyone recommended going down the long, twisted path of Polonia Bros. films, I would not have recommended this as the first foray into their body of work.
Then FEEDERS came along and I was hooked.
Over the years I have watched many of their movies and I thought it was odd that no one had written anything in any depth about them. I had this same thought process when I started on my book of Michael Legge films. These are great movies and people should know as much about them as possible.
I like to share my obsessions.
The process for these books is a little low tech. I watch the movie with a notepad. I make notes on the film and then make sure to get every credit written down. I believe that everyone who makes these movies deserves credit where credit is due.
Then, luckily, I have slow time between calls at work so I'm able to transcribe my notes at work. Then I write a review of the film that goes between the film overview and the credits.
It sounds like a lot of work, but this is just my way of doing things.
I actually managed to get an interview with The Polonia Bros. and Jon McBride before John passed away. It is a great interview and I may include it in the book.
I have decided to add a couple of things to the Polonia book. Besides people telling stories of working with them I am asking Mark Polonia one question about each film. They will accompany each film overview/review/credits.
Also, this time I am going with alphabetical instead of chronological. With this many films I believe that it will work better that way.
I have finished six reviews. I'm trying to get at least one a week, maybe more as time allows.
At the average rate of 1400 words per film this thing will be over 100K the longest thing I have ever written.
Sheesh!
The things i get myself into.

Here are some trailers of Polonia Bros. magic.
Enjoy!


Thursday, May 11, 2017

CHUPACABRA TERRITORY (2016)





Every so often a film pops up in my inbox that looks interesting and I tell them to go ahead and send me a screener. I don't do it as often as I did in the past, but, hey this one had Sarah Nicklin in it. Who was I to say no.
For those of you that don't know who Sarah Nicklin is, well first, shame on you and, second, there is a magnificent director named Richard Griffin who has given us excellent films like;
ATOMIC BRAIN INVASION
DISCO EXORCIST
BEYOND THE DUNWICH HORROR
Sarah was in all of these along with her then husband, Michael Reed. Both of them are in this one.
Let's run it down shall we?
First off, it's a found footage film. Get the groaning out of the way and get back here. I can't stand found footage movies. So, if I'm still here that's a great sign.
Anyway, it starts with a disclaimer from the government about the footage they found. Due to the Freedom of Information Act anyone can watch this.
That works for me.
Our foursome are Amber, Joe, Morgan and Dave. They have heard of a place that is where the chupacabra dwell and they are out to prove it. The first road to where they need to go is barricaded. The second one has a ranger guarding it and some shifty guy who the ranger refers to as a biologist.
Yeah, right, a biologist in fatigues with a weird looking tank strapped to his back.
I ain't buying it.
Anyway, these kooky kids manage to get around the ranger and deep into chupacabra territory. (Yeah, see what I did there? Funny, huh?)
So, they run into other campers, get drunk. The other campers wander off to get slaughtered while our gang keeps looking.
Sometimes, the thing you want to find should just be left alone.
Right?



Since it touts itself as a found footage film, I start looking for illogical things. There were a few camera angles that no one would have shot. Shots of the car driving down the road. Things like that. One time a character grabbed a camera and ran for it. I do not believe for an instance he would have done that, but what are you going to do?
That being said, I liked the movie. Sure, Sarah Nicklin's character, Amber, could have worn more convincing clothes. Most people don't camp in a mini skirt, but she has nice legs so I'm going to let that pass. It was clever to introduce the other campers so we got some nudity to help crank up the exploitation quotient of the movie. The blood and guts looked good and I was happy they showed the monsters.
So many of these don't show the monster and I think that's a mistake. The whole reason for being there is to see the monster not just hear some passable foley work.
There is lots of professional looking camera work instead of nothing but GoPro and shaky cam. Sure, I get what your going for with that, but you can't get a guy to hold the camera steady for some exposition shots?



So, in the end, while this has not won me over to the found footage form of film making I liked this a lot. It produces an eerie effect overall, the monsters work and there are questions that we never get an answer to. Maybe we could get a sequel? Chupacabra Territory: The Biologist. That would be cool. And Morgan was the coolest one of the bunch. Made me laugh out loud more than once.


Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Why I'm Not Watching Any New Star Wars Movies

A lot of you will look at that title and figure the old man is getting ready to go on a rant. Yeah, I could, but I decided this might be a good learning experience for everyone. See, I go to new movies all the time. I watch new shows. No problem at all. But, you have to remember one thing. Star Wars came out in 1977. That was the year I turned fifteen. Yeah, I get that I'm old, I understand. But, here's the thing. You find out when you were fifteen and go see what movies were made that year. It's easy to get a list.
Here's mine; (Yes I expect you to at least glance over the list. I'll meet you down below.)

Airport ‘77
Andy Warhol’s Bad
Annie Hall
Audrey Rose
The Bad News Bears In Breaking Training
Billy Jack Goes to Washington
Black Sunday
Breaker! Breaker!
A Bridge Too Far
The Car
The Choirboys
Cinderella
Citizen’s Band
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Cross of Iron
Damnation Alley
The Day of the Animals
The Deep
Demon Seed
Desperate Living
The Domino Principle
Drive-In Massacre
Eaten Alive
Empire of the Ants
Equus
Exorcist 2: The Heretic
For the Love of Benji
Fun With Dick And Jane
The Gauntlet
The Goodbye Girl
Grand Theft Auto
Greased Lightning
Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo
Heroes
High Anxiety
The Hills Have Eyes
The Incredible Melting Man
The Island of Dr. Moreau
Islands in the Stream
The Kentucky Fried Movie
Kingdom of the Spiders
Last House on Dead End Street
The Last Remake of Beau Geste
The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh
Martin
New York, New York
Oh ,God!
Orca
The Other Side of Midnight
Outlaw Blues
The People That Time Forgot
Pete’s Dragon
Planet of the Dinosaurs
Pumping Iron
Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown
Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure
The Rescuers
Rollercoaster
Rolling Thunder
Ruby
Satan’s Cheerleaders
Semi Tough
The Sentinel
Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger
Slap Shot
Smokey and the Bandit
Star Wars
Telefon
Tentacles
Valentino
The Van
Viva Knievel!
Which Way Is Up?
Wizards
The World’s Greatest Lover

You Light Up My Life

And these are just the ones that I remember watching. Some good, some bad. Some really great movies in there. Some people on their A game with some of these films. Turning fifteen means you are on your way to adult hood, but you're still a kid. Everything is changing in your life and you either plow through it or examine everything.
See, I was lucky. My parents love movies. They loved to take us to movies. We saw them all. My dad took us to see All The President's Men because he thought it was important. That was the year before and all four of us went, even my little sister. Most of the movies up there can bring some long ago memory into laser focus for me. They remind me of that time that I was on the cusp of adulthood.
Of them all Star Wars was one of the more important ones. Remember, we had no VCRs or DVDs. If we wanted to see a movie we went and watched it. The first time we went we were blown away. My dad got us all in the car, we sat there for a minute and he said,
"Do you want to go see it again, right now?"
We all shouted yes and we went back in. One time, it was at The Douglas Drive in with Grey Lady Down and a thunder storm broke out as they were making the run on the Death Star. I stuck my head out the window to see it.
Star Wars was awesome. I watched the two sequels. I read Marvel's comic book. I even got Splinter of the Mind's Eye by Alan Dean Foster and thought that was great.  The trilogy ended on a happy note for me and that was fine.
The prequels were just the worst. I watched the first one, snippets of the second one and a couple of pieces of the third one and felt that I had not missed a thing. Those weren't made for me. I had my three Star Wars movies and I was very happy with that.
The real reason I'm not watching any of the new Star Wars movies?
I don;t need them.
I have my Star Wars movies and that's just fine with me.
Look at that list again.
Isn't that a great list?
Just reading it makes me want to go and watch at least ten of them right now.
Enjoy the new Star Wars movies.
Those are for you.
May The Force Be With you.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

EVIL BONG 666 (2017)



Evil Bong is back and Lucy Furr has reopened the shop on Venice Beach. She worships Satan and when she kills a stoner it opens a very vagina looking gateway from Sexy Hell and EeBee has returned to the land of the living. All Lucy Furr wants is to get to Hell and EeBee is still fixated on world domination through weed. With GingerDead Man out to kill everyone EeBee and Rabbit join forces to create GingerWeed Man. A combination of GingerDead Man and some potent weed to go to Sexy Hell and challenge Lord BeezleBuzz to a bake off and I do not mean cookies.
I have watched all of these. From the first one that was smart enough to get Tommy Chong in the flick to recent entries like the cleverly named Evil Bong 420 and Evil Bong High Five. They are full of green screen effects, people smoking some serious bud and just being downright silly. This one is no exception and it is always nice to see Sonny Carl Davis as Rabbit once again. The man is always a delight. My one criticism is that there was no Larnell (John PAtrick Jordan). While Rabbit is always the driving comedic force in the films I always felt that Larnell was the heart of the films. To not have him in this entry seems like a misstep to me.
I love the Alex Maxson who does the voice of Gingerdead Man. He channels Gary Busey so well and every time he talks I just laugh out loud. I look at these as more than annual episodes of a series than movies.
For silly fun you can do worse than Evil Bong 666. If you subscribe to HULU you can even watch it for free.


Saturday, April 15, 2017

Why I won't be watching Mystery Science Theater 3000's new season.

We have all known about this new season for a while. Everyone was super excited, including me. That was until I was told that Joel Hodgson would not be the host of the show. My interest level dropped immediately. I do like Patton Oswalt and Felicia Day. But, who was going to be the host?
Jonah Ray from The Nerdist.
Yeah, I don't like Jonah any time I have seen him or heard him. So, I think this is going to go badly for me.
I started to nit pick the reasons I didn't like the new show.
Then it dawned on me.
Why bother?
Of the original run I only liked Joel. I stuck around because TVs Frank was on, but when he left I was done. Sure, Dr. Forrester was fine, but he needed someone to bounce stuff off of.
I loathed Pearl.
I watched when they first came out and have fond memories of friends and family laughing out loud watching the show.
YouTube has a channel that plays every episode and they look pretty good. Makes me feel like I'm circulating the tapes. I put it on to sleep to almost every night.
So, I'm glad that they have brought MST3K to a new generation of people. When I watched the original I thought it was great.
I have plenty of shows to watch now that I really enjoy and see no reason to watch something that is trying to be what was once one of my favorite shows that I still enjoy to this day.

Movie Sign Off.

P.S. Yeah, also not watching the new Prison Break either. I buried Michael Scofield years ago.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

DOUBLE FEATURE AT THE WALTZ COMPOUND; MONSTROSITY/INTO THE WOODS

Those titles may look familiar to you and you really couldn't be more wrong. I love all the free channels on my ROKU and the lovely Martha Waltz discovered one for me a while ago called GRINDHOUSE GRIT. I do loves me some Grindhouse flicks and the badder the better.

Image result for monstrosity 2007

At first I thought MONSTROSITY might be the Andy Milligan flick, but the 2007 date told me otherwise. Andy had been dead for a while.
In this one we have a carnival freak named Monstrosity who gets free from his master, kills a bunch of people and makes a beeline for a nearby factory where he kills the owner's son and his woman. He cuts her head off and then...nothing.
Ten years pass and someone else has bought he factory and the town legend is that Monstrosity died in a swamp near the factory.
Anyone else buying this? Nope, me neither.
So a group of low life drug dealers and some girls decide to break in, party and have some wild sex. What they don;t know is the man who bought the factory has just discovered millions of dollars in gold and cash, left by the former owner. He needs help getting it out of there so he enlists the drug dealers to help load it up. Each of them will get a cool million.
But, something is killing them. Is it the Monstrosity?
Or is it something worse?
Okay, sure the acting in this thing is dreadful and just one pair of lopsided titties is a little disappointing in the nudity department, but this wasn't that bad. It had a couple of nice twists and turns and the whole concept has been done a million times before.
But, it was a fun little time waster.


This was the only picture on the internet of this movie. Sad.

Then I decided to see something called INTO THE WOODS. It said it was a camping slasher flick and it had a running time of an hour and 18 minutes so it seemed like a safe bet. Some crazy dude ties up his wife and makes his two boys watch. He is sent to prison and the boys go into foster care. It's worth noting that crazy dad is also crazy drug dealer with a sword in the other movie. I had no idea that the films had any common denominator. Lucky I guess.
A group of kids go camping and it doesn't take long before the body count starts to go up. But, who's doing the killing? Have the boys become crazed killers? Are they among the group and no one knows it?
This seems like a lot of questions and the ending is pretty telegraphed.As camper slasher flicks go it ranks down at the bottom. They did use a lot of local music in their movie which is always a good thing, but the nudity is non existent and that is the death kiss of any slasher flick. Guys, if you're going to make a slasher flick you have to make sure at least one of your girlfriends is going to show off something. Otherwise, people like me are going to call you movie out for what it is; amateurish and crap.
I did laugh when I saw all the MySpace urls for the bands. There was even a geocities site. I had no idea that was even a thing anymore.

Monstrosity was pretty good though.

I like to put up trailers for flicks so people can get a taste of the punishment I put myself through. Yeah, neither of these had anything. Even their official sites were taken down. If you have a ROKU the channel is Grindhouse Grit and you can watch it an many others for free.

Free...I still felt like I was overcharged.

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin